Everyone’s into time travel now, thanks to Avengers: Endgame. It’s an interesting concept—time travel. In the MCU, it was first hinted at in Doctor Strange. Then, in Infinity War. Below’s an old post of mine, which I came up with after binge-watching Tarantino movies, Scorsese’s gangster films, and exploitation movies from the ’70s. Continue reading “Captain America goes back to the ’70s to save Nick Fury”
Initially thought this is funnier than Deadpool 2. But that’s maybe because I’ve seen Deadpool 2 many times already. And then I saw this one. And it was refreshing that Ryan Reynolds isn’t the snarky one. That he’s being upstaged by and clearly no match to Mr. Nick Fury without the eyepatch. And Dios Mio! I never thought Salma Hayek would be the perfect match for the foul-mouthed Samuel L. Jackson.
Plot? Forget it. All I need is Sam Jackson in the passenger seat singing some blues while Mr. Pool answers with an Ace of Base tune and I’m in. No questions asked. Gary Oldman, made older with some thick make-up, as the Russian-therefore-he’s-bad dictator is the perfect baddie for bad-guy-is-good-guy Sam Jackson. Where have we seen that before? Probably from some forgettable action movie the title of which I can’t remember right now because the movie was, uhm, forgettable.
This movie is loaded with all the cliche an action movie fan could think of. It’s a little too long to waste 2 hours at the movies when it could have easily been just around ninety minutes. Though I never really checked my watch until near the third act. Which only means Ryan Reynolds and Samuel L. Jackson (plus Salma Hayek) could be entertaining as fuck.
But still, two hours is a little too long when I could pretty much predict what’s going to happen or how it’s going to happen in the end. And that’s 242 words for a not so memorable movie. Make that 252. Wait, it’s 255 now. Two-fifty… Oh, I don’t how to end
Here’s what—should Marvel hire Quentin Tarantino and give him 100% free rein:
It would be set in the near future where the world is enslaved by Loki and the formation of Avengers never happened. Why? Because a deadly assassin killed Nick Fury in the ’70s. Doctor Strange would send Captain America back in time to stop the assassination.
Fury would be portrayed by Samuel L. Jackson in Jheri curl. He still has two good eyes, but he’ll lost one by the end of the movie. Cap would have few but important lines; Samuel L. Jackson would do most of the talking.
To get to Fury, Cap would need to hook up with hookers, nuns with guns, and sexy spies. Expect lots of T&A and few glimpses of untrimmed hair because this is the ’70s! Cap’s magic shield wouldn’t work in this movie; he has to do a lot of heavy action scenes and sweaty bed scenes without CGI, green-screen, shaky cam and frantic editing.
There would be a scene where SHIELD’s Agent Skye shows Cap her voluptuous… vinyl collection. And Cap would unsheathe and play her delicate… Delfonics LP. Off-screen, she’d be heard whispering OMG’s ever so softly.
The assassin’s identity would be revealed as Cap, Fury, and Skye find themselves on the wrong end of a brutal fight. Cap would do the ultimate sacrifice to save Fury. (Cap dies during climax.) The assassin would escape through a time portal created by Doctor Strange.
Epilogue: Present day. Bucky opens the door and enters his apartment, groceries on both hands. He finds Fury waiting inside with gun aimed at him.
Bang! Bucky’s hit between the eyes and falls on the floor.
A rodent crawls across the window.
Roy Buchanan’s “Sweet Dreams” fades in. Black screen. Credits.