by breedinglikelarva
There’s probably a lot less at stake in Spider-Man: Far From Home than the last few MCU movies, but Spidey’s second solo MCU outing understands what most Marvel superhero movies don’t: that it takes a lot to beat a super-villain, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Continue reading “Spider-Man: Far From Home (2019)”
You were young and so in love
But your ex-boyfriend married another girl
‘Cause you were dusted in the snap
Now, do you say, “Thank you, Tony Stark?”
You used to have a high-paying job
But you were dusted in the snap
Now you’re back and you’re jobless
Now, do you say, “Thank you, Tony Stark?”
Not to mention, your colleagues are all managers now.
You have a family
Three kids, a beautiful wife
But they’re five years older now.
And your ex-wife married another man.
One of your kids committed suicide, another is in jail
And your youngest got into drugs.
You could say that you just suck as a Dad.
But you wouldn’t be so miserable
Had you remained dusted due to the snap.
And worse, the Avengers brought you back
Now, tell me, do you still say, “Thank you, Tony Stark?”
You were just a kid when you lost your mom and dad
And it’s because those supes in Wakanda
Failed to plan their counterattack
You said you’d avenge them, so you became Kick-Ass
But with no superpower, superheroing just sucks
Now your parents are back
But their baby boy’s gone
In fact, Kick-Ass was gone, dead, hit by a truck
Now, you can’t possibly still say “Thank you, Tony Stark.”
This isn’t really about Tony Stark but Marvel’s creative decision to make that five-year jump after the “snap” which brought up a lot of questions which Avengers: Endgame did not or failed to address. Of course, Marvel seems to have everything planned and they seem to have reasons behind the five-year jump. It’s just that at the moment, I’m not fully convinced that everything is A-OK after the Hulk made that second snap. And these are some of the worse case scenarios. I might still add a few verses later. And feel free to add your own verse/s below.
1. Justine Bieber. That moment when Rocket joked about Captain Marvel’s ever changing haircut. Yup, Captain Marvel is Disney’s attempt at a lesbian superhero. And they still couldn’t spell it out. Where’s your balls Kevin Feige Mickey Mouse? Also, Deadpool did it first. And she has a very cool name: Negasonic Teenage Warhead. Continue reading “11 Favorite Moments In ‘Avengers: Endgame’”
Endgame is over now. Thank you, Tony Stark, you’re the one who started it all. In a cave. In Afghanistan. Back in 2008. It was that long ago. If you could still remember, there were two big comic book movies in 2008. and if I have to pick between the two, for me, Iron Man is 2008’s comic book movie of the year. Continue reading “Ranking All MCU Movies from Iron Man to Avengers: Endgame”
Avengers: Endgame isn’t “the best MCU movie or the best superhero movie since (insert your preference here),” but it does what it has to do, “whatever it takes.” Even if that means Endgame makes for an unwieldy, ponderous, pandering, uneven, thrilling ride. It’s a crowd-pleaser and super duper entertaining. Continue reading “Avengers: Endgame (2019)”
Iron-Man (2008). This is where it all begun, the Mark I of all Marvel movies. This is the movie where Marvel–after deciding to make their own movies based on characters they haven’t sold yet–finally hammers it home. In a cave. In Afghanistan. Tony Stark’s billionaire-genuis-playboy suits Robert Downey Jr. perfectly in the same the way the red and gold weaponized armor suit fits Tony Stark. Continue reading “Iron Man (2008), The Incredible Hulk (2008), Thor (2011)”
Wonder why I couldn’t like this movie more. It’s well made, has a unique look, the right amount of heart, and nice-looking set pieces and action scenes. Found it boring at first, gave it a second look and found Joe Johnston’s efforts, quite admirable, though still not a knock down punch. Maybe because it’s just so predictable. I already knew Cap’s only gonna end up frozen, he’s not gonna die. Continue reading “Captain America Trilogy”
Avengers: Infinity War is far from perfect. But then it could have been worse, like The Matrix: Revolutions or Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest. Good thing it’s more like Back to the Future II. Someone said it should have been a three-part movie. Well, dude’s got a point. Because the storytelling felt rushed. Me, I only wished it was longer. Continue reading “Thor’s New Hammer, Iron Man’s Gundam Suit and Other Great Things In ‘Avengers: Infinity War’”
With the release of Thor: Ragnarok, Marvel has now churned out seventeen movies. Yep, that’s right. Seventeen fuckin’ Marvel movies and almost all of them widely popular with both critics and fans, almost all of them hit big at the box office. But not all of them are great or good. There are few stinkers and there are a few gold. The list below starts with the stinkers with the movies listed in descending order. Continue reading “Ranking All MCU Movies from Iron Man to Ragnarok”
Deadpool reminded me of Spider-Man. Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man, that is. Deadpool was half the movie that Spider-Man was, but with enough adult things—humor, language, sex, violence—to make up for the lacking half.
Captain America: Civil War finds the Earth’s mightiest heroes split in two. One led by Captain America and the other headed by Iron Man—two evenly matched teams going head-to-head in a mid-movie battle seemingly inspired by the opening sequence of the X-Men cartoons from the ‘90s. While Iron Man got Spider-Man, Captain America’s team is the more exciting one, with Wanda, Hawkeye and Ant-Man on his side. Still, this doesn’t make it significantly more interesting than the other similarly themed summer flick from DC, especially when most of the superheroes left to team up with either Cap or Tony, are the predictably dull side characters in the Marvel Universe—War Machine, Falcon, Winter Soldier, Vision and a likewise banal newcomer in Black Panther.
I thought we should at least have Nick Fury in the middle, make him give long Tarantino-esque monologues that would illuminate why Cap and Tony were on different sides. (Looks like Tony is just jealous because Cap’s got a new boyfriend and he’s got no one else since Pepper left him.) Also, they could have given Agent 13 more screen presence this time, because honestly, they couldn’t make Black Widow any more alluring and her signature takedown gets tiring already. Another thing, the camera tends to get too shaky during her fight scenes—actually, most of the fight scenes, not just those with Black Widow.
Captain America: Civil War starts with The Avengers foiling a terrorist attack somewhere in Africa. They were able to retrieve the biological weapon from the terrorists, but not without collateral damage—something they might have avoided, if only Vision wasn’t so busy in the headquarters kitchen. So Tony Stark has to do a Bruce Wayne this time; taking fall for the death of innocent people when they tried to save the world from Ultron. Captain America, on the other hand, just can’t afford to lose Bucky for the third time, even if his disagreement with Stark could lead to Civil War.
Of course, it didn’t. No Civil War, just a smaller version of Mark Millar’s serial, which has twelve superheroes fighting each other in Leipzig/Halle Airport. With Hawkeye just being funny, delivering one-liners in between punches; Ant-Man getting inside Iron Man’s suit, then later turning into Giant-Man; and Spider-Man throwing banters while webbing up Falcon, sparring with Cap, and swinging around Giant-Man. Then, there’s Elizabeth Olsen, who gives Wanda Maximoff the vulnerability—both emotional and physical—that’s kind of rare in this type of movie. Olsen’s Wanda is both fragile and fierce, like a kitten with special powers, caught in the middle of a slugfest.
Said airport scuffle is easily the best part of this movie. But since it happens somewhere in the middle, right before the “more” important events are about to unfold, it makes the last third of the movie drag, not just a bit. And I couldn’t even care less, especially after Wanda, Ant-Man and Spidey left off the screen. And I think, it asks too much of its audience when they killed Rhodes. Almost. It’s not like he (almost) died trying to save people. And both teams seem to be having a fun pick-up match just right before that, with Spider-Man referencing Star Wars and Ant-Man asking for orange slices (probably to nurse a massive headache) after he gets knocked down. Unlike the death scene in Joss Whedon’s Age of Ultron, the tone here is just, off.
At long last, the final fight between Cap and Iron Man boils down to Tony doing another Bruce Wayne—as he turns vengeful for the death of his parents. The fight gets a bit clearer near the end—lesser camera movements, lesser cutting but in the same gloomy blue-grayish tone (would have been nice to see Cap’s bright costume contrasting nicely with Iron Man’s metallic gold and red). And in case you forgot, in the pure Marvel tradition of having boring half-villains, this movie also got one: Baron Zemo, who gets to carry out his very complicated plan, just because the plot needs him to.
Again, that airport scene is probably the coolest thing ever…or maybe, just until the next Marvel movie comes.
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