“Neneng B”, Nic Makino ft. Raf Davis. Not sure if I should even type the artists‘ names or just have the title. Not sure it’s worth the effort but, anyway. You might want to ask: why start the year with a rant? Well, yes, it’s New Year and according to feng sui experts, we should get rid of all the trash, the bad stuff, the negative vibes. And there are a lot of those in this song and its music video, which seems to be back online after it was previously taken down due to copyrights issue. Some have already made a case about objectification of women both in the song’s lyrics and the music video. And there other issues related not to the song but to the girl in the music video, which I won’t tackle here.
There are probably no hard fast rules or established threshold for the amount of naughtiness one can put in a song but it isn’t only those naughty lines in the lyrics that makes this song awful. And one might argue that songs such as Andrew E.’s “Banyo Queen” or Afroman’s “Crazy Rap” relatively deserve way more artistic merits than the latest trending rip off on YouTube (Makino makes Ex-Battalion sound like Gloc9). If Andrew E.’s songs were the equivalent of campy erotica (i.e., TL films of the 90s), “Neneng B” is the equivalent of bad internet porn disguised as some sort of Sam Pinto/Boy Pick-up tribute. Yes, some of Andrew E.’s lyrics are lewd, maybe borderline offensive for some, but he never had a hit song as badly made as this. And while it arguably takes some brain cells to come up with those horny pick-up lines, I’m sure it takes a LOT more muscle cells and effort to make one big loud stinky fart.
To paraphrase Robin Padilla, “Mas masarap pang tumae kesa makinig sa kantang ‘to”.
Here’s a sample of the lyrics in case you haven’t heard the song yet: Uling ka ba? Kasi kanina sa’kin nagbabaga ka – I intentionally chose the least offensive one and it’s up for you to Google the lyrics if you want, just don’t throw your phone or smash your Macbook afterwards. In comparison, at least Afroman’s “Crazy Rap” managed to be funny, like this one: We fucked on the bed, fucked on the flo’, Fucked so long, I grew a fuckin’ afro.
“Baliw”, Sud. Guess some of True Faith’s song titles aren’t that eco-friendly – ‘cause recent bands ended up recycling two of them. “Kung Di Rin Lang Ikaw”, penned by Ely Buendia and Medwin Marfil, now re-used by December Avenue for their biggest hit, while this new song from Sud recalls the name of True Faith’s another lesser known hit. Sud’s new single sounds very much like 80s OPM. It’s OK, but I don’t think I’m gonna check the rest of their songs really soon yet. Or ever. And it’s not because they (or some of them) were implicated in the local music scene’s #MeToo controversies like a year ago. I just don’t like their songs, is all. And in case you’re thinking of “Sila” in the same vein as “Mundo” or “Buwan”, think again. This article here makes a good case of it being the ultimate fuccboi anthem. And the line “Lagi na lang matigas”? And guess what, this article was written even before the sexual allegations against members of Sud and Jensen and the Flips surfaced on Twitter.
“Chinito”, Yeng Constantino. I haven’t followed Yeng’s career from her days in PDA to… where is she now? Ya, I think she’s still there. As I’ve said, I wasn’t following her. While thinking about some songs of the 2010’s that may have been forgotten already, I remember this one. I remember seeing the video posted on Facebook. Not sure if I finished watching it… I remember Yeng dancing with a chinito. I thought it was good in that it’s different from her usual stuff. Turns out, it’s the only song off Metamorphosis not written by her. Not sure if this became a hit or if it’s as popular as her other songs. But I’m sure that this is better, if kind of safe-sounding, than most songs I find on Spotify nowadays.
“Paano Ba Ang Magmahal?” After watching parts of The Breakup Playlist, I thought, “has Sarah ever tried to play or record an album with a band?” If not, why not? I thought, that would be (slightly) awesome. A pop-rock Sarah Geronimo? Why not? Call her band Miss Granny. Or Sarah Balababand. (That’s some high-grade Jojo “Jojo A” Alejar joke there, I know.) Or maybe we don’t need that because we already have Yeng Constantino, who wrote this song and unfortunately gave it to Erik Santos, who sings even softer than Piolo. But going back to Sarah, maybe her handlers just can’t handle it. Or maybe they’d say it’s not her packaged image. Or fans may not like it, like there’d be a backlash. But she did it already, in the movie. Not once, but twice. She also sings in a band in Miss Granny. And while we have throwback bands like Jensen & the Flips (#MeToo) and Bita and Botflies (“Peklat Cream”), I’m sure Sarah Geronimo doing something like “Wag Na Wag Mong Sasabihin” or her Miss Granny type of songs or both would be a hit with the fans. She doesn’t write her own songs? Well, get Yeng to write for her. Or let her do Miss Granny-like covers. By the way, did you know that Miss Granny is based on Miss Granny, a 2014 South Korean movie? And it’s also been remade in Japan, China, Vietnam, Thailand and Indonesia. We came a bit late to the party since our remake only came out in 2018. Anyway, I think Sarah’s good at acting too, at least when the role suits her.
“Isang Tanong, Isang Sagot”. If only I could listen to music while at work, maybe I’d be more effective. I would have probably done more work than I did if I was allowed to wear earphones during office hours. Perhaps I would have accomplished more. Perhaps I would’ve been manager by now. Manager—of the janitorial services. But we’re not allowed to do that. And when I was in Japan, I was only able to listen to music in the office 1) when I render overtime and 2) every 3 PM. Every 3PM, a sort of elevator music is played thru the PA of the building, probably to remind everyone to take a break. Most of the time, it’s just a short instrumental piece, probably around 30 to 45 seconds long. Sometimes, it’s Beethoven, sometimes it’s some Beethoven rip-off (mind you, there were already rip-off artist during Beethoven’s time in Germany). But one time, the song being played on the piano was a tune I’m very much very familiar with. It’s Donna Cruz’s “Isang Tanong, Isang Sagot”. At first, I thought “Wow! Donna Cruz must be popular here. Or maybe not”. Turns out, “Isang Tanong, Isang Sagot” is just one of a few remakes of Southern All Stars’ 1990 hit single “Manatsu no Kajitsu” (Midsummer Fruit). The cover art of which features an image of lovers making love and a ripe papaya.
“Natagpuan ko na ang tunay kong papaya, lumabas ako ng kwarto’t nandun siya.”
– Ebe Dancel